On May 20, 2020 I did my usual daily devotional. I watched part 3 of Planted Not Buried( Planted Under Fire) by Pastor Mike Todd and watched the worship service again that completely wrecked me the Sunday of. As I tuned into the rebroadcast of the worship service , Pastor Charles Metcalf was speaking from Ephesians about freedom and taking back control of your life. That touched my heart because for so long I lived in condemnation of my past mistakes, constantly being my worst critic and tearing myself down with my own words. In doing so I lost my voice, my confidence, I felt like the woman with a voice no longer lived in me. That night I continued to worship in my room, declaring freedom from everything that has kept me bound for so many years. Although I kept declaring it , a part of me felt frustrated because I didn’t feel like I really was free. Once the worship service was over, I turned on more worship music ( refiner by maverick city music) and continued to worship. However, I felt God tell me to turn the music down, mind you this is one of my favorite worship songs so I turned the volume down a little bit but I felt a tug to turn the music completely off in order to hear from God. So I turned the music off and sat in complete silence in my room and started balling tears. All of these emotions started to fester up and I could not hide it anymore. Theres no hiding in God’s presence, the beauty is that he’s sees all of your weaknesses , mistakes, downfalls and still calls you his own.
In my tears, I felt God tell me to turn to Joshua 5. I was confused because I had never read the book of Joshua before. In fact, I had barely read through the Bible before to be honest (I’m still a work in progress lol). As I’m reading through Joshua 5 , Im still confused because all it was talking about was male circumcision, so I’m asking God “ uhm why did you tell me to read this chapter”. However, I continued to verse 9 which completely blew me away. “Then the Lord said to Joshua, ‘Today I have rolled away the shame of your slavery in Egypt’ So that place has been called Gilgal to this day”. I completely broke down, that was the day God told me I no longer needed to live in shame, guilt, condemnation and all the other emotions I have allowed to take over my mind, body and spirit. God told me I was free.
I stood there in awe and just praised God. Anyone who knows the story of the Israelites in Egypt knows that God promised them freedom however they delayed their freedom by 40 years by worshipping idols above God and not trusting God, which delayed their freedom. Egypt represents slavery and bondage ( things that hold us back whether physically or spiritually). For me my Egypt was unaddressed issues from my past, which resulted in low self worth, doubt, fear, insecurities, the list goes on. In this moment , God told me I was free from the shame of what I experienced in my “Egypt” and could walk in freedom.
What is your Egypt? You know that thing keeps you going in the same destructive cycle. That trigger that holds you back everytime you try to take a step forward in the right direction. Those issues from your past that you haven’t dealt with so they manifest in your future every time you try to have a healthy relationship, take on a task, step into your purpose, take risks, etc. Your excuse is usually “This is just how I am”, which is false because that is not the purpose God has for your life. Whatever it is, get to the root of the issue, God has so much planned for your purpose. The enemy knows that , which why distractions come every time you try to make better decisions. It’s a destructive cycle to be in, trust me I know. But the best part of all of this is that you don’t have to stay in it.
I can’t explain the weight that was lifted off of me when I decided to be free from everything that was keeping from being the woman God called me to be. I called everything out that was holding me back and I declared that I was free in Jesus’s name. Reading the word from Joshua 5:9 reassured me that I no longer had to question whether God could change things in my life. I was free now and could walk in my purpose. Wherever you are in your walk with Christ, PLEASE DON’T STOP FIGHTING. Keep pursuing and trusting God, you have been set free and don’t have to live in your “Egypt” anymore. Just like a phone battery needs to be recharged, your spirit needs to be charged up with prayer, worship, and reading the word. Your purpose is so much bigger than your current “Egypt” ; remember that.
Sincerely,
A freed woman